Say ≠ Do Syndrome: When Leaders Talk the Talk but Trip on the Walk

This article is part of “pulling back the coaching curtain.” I share different perspectives and lessons learned from coaching work with clients. The topic of incongruence arises often. Leaders saying one thing and then doing another or saying one thing and behaving in a way that contradicts what they said, is what I refer to as, say ≠ do.

We’ve all seen it—leaders who make grand proclamations about culture, integrity, transparency, and innovation… and then turn around and do the exact opposite. It’s the corporate version of “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Maybe the CEO proudly announces, “We value work-life balance!” and then schedules meetings at 7 a.m. Or a company rolls out a “People-First Initiative” while simultaneously freezing salaries and cutting benefits.

This is the Say ≠ Do Syndrome, and it’s one of the fastest ways to destroy trust, morale, and performance. With both employees and customers.

When Say ≠ Do: The Greatest Hits

Let’s take a look at some classic Say ≠ Do moments, followed by what it would look like if leaders actually walked the talk.

1. The Transparency Mirage

Say: “We are committed to transparency and open communication.”
Do: Make major company changes behind closed doors, then announce them at the last minute with a vague, scripted email.

What Say = Do Looks Like: Leadership regularly updates employees (as appropriate) on key decisions, invites discussion, and welcomes questions. Instead of blindsiding people, they involve them.

2. The Work-Life Balance Illusion

Say: “We encourage work-life balance and respect your time.”
Do: Reward employees who work late and are always “on,” while subtly penalizing those who set healthy boundaries.

What Say = Do Looks Like: Leaders model balance by unplugging after hours, respecting employees’ time, setting clear, reasonable expectations for availability, and having policies to support those boundaries.

3. The “People First” Charade

Say: “Our employees are our most valuable asset.”
Do: Announce sweeping layoffs via a pre-recorded video and disable employee badge access before they’ve even had a chance to pack up their desks. This one has become all too real for many lately and is spreading rapidly as an acceptable workplace norm.

What Say = Do Looks Like: When tough decisions must be made, leadership communicates early, directly, and with empathy—offering support and resources rather than treating people like an afterthought.

4. The Innovation Farce

Say: “We encourage bold ideas and risk-taking.”
Do: Shoot down new ideas with, “That’s not how we do things here,” and only reward those who play it safe or put forth ideas that align with the agenda of the leader.

What Say = Do Looks Like: Leadership actively seeks out and tests new ideas, rewards creative thinking, and ensures that taking smart risks doesn’t lead to punishment.

5. The Customer-Obsessed Delusion

Say: “We are 100% customer-focused.”
Do: Make it nearly impossible for customers to get real support, while frontline employees are given no authority or training to actually solve problems.

What Say = Do Looks Like: Companies create customer-friendly processes, empower employees to resolve issues, and actively listen to feedback rather than just checking a box. This one drives me nuts and I hear it all too often. Don’t ding employees for not being able to provide an excellent customer experience if you are not going to provide them the skills and training to do so and then empower them to deliver on customer expectations.

6. The Leadership Accountability Dodge

Say: “We believe in accountability at every level.”
Do: Hold employees accountable for mistakes but let senior leaders off the hook, even when their decisions caused the problem in the first place.

What Say = Do Looks Like: Leaders own their mistakes, set the standard for accountability, and demonstrate that no one is above learning and improving. The topic of accountability is a topic that arises with almost all of my clients. Accountability is the basis for building trust and creating a high-performance culture that delivers service excellence.

The Cost of Say (Not) = Do

When leaders don’t align their words with their actions, the fallout is predictable:

Distrust – Employees stop believing leadership and assume every new initiative is just for show.
Low Morale – If leadership doesn’t take its own values seriously, neither will employees.
High Turnover – People don’t quit jobs; they quit leaders who lack integrity.
Poor Performance – When employees are disengaged, they stop going the extra mile.

The bottom line? If what you say doesn’t match what you do, your credibility is gone. And once it’s gone, good luck getting it back.

How to Align Say = Do

So how can leaders ensure their actions back up their words? Here are some practical steps:

1. Stop Making Empty Promises

If you announce an initiative, back it up with real action. If you say you support development, make sure training and mentorship programs actually exist—and that ALL people have time to use them.

2. Walk the Work-Life Balance Talk

If leaders claim to value balance, they should model it. That means no rewarding burnout, no 24/7 expectations, and no congratulating someone for “dedication” when they’re clearly overworked. This is another one that arises frequently for my clients, burnout is real. Self-care matters.

3. Communicate Transparently—Even When It’s Uncomfortable

Tough decisions are inevitable, but honesty goes a long way. Even if you are simply acknowledging that, you don’t know what you don’t know, but when know, they will know. Instead of spinning bad news, treat employees like adults—share the context, acknowledge the impact, and be available for real conversations.

4. Reward the Behaviors You Claim to Value

If innovation is encouraged, then risk-taking should be celebrated, not penalized. If teamwork is a priority, then don’t only promote individual contributors who never collaborate.

5. Hold Everyone Accountable—Including Leadership

Accountability isn’t just for employees at the bottom of the ladder. Leaders need to own their mistakes, learn from them, and set the example.

6. Get Feedback—and Act on It

It’s easy to ask for employee input, but if nothing changes, people will stop sharing. Leaders who truly value feedback show it by listening, making adjustments, and following up. Like I say to my clients, ask, listen, act!

Final Thoughts: Say = Do is a Leadership Superpower

The best leaders don’t just make bold statements—they back them up with consistent action. When Say = Do, employees are engaged, customers are loyal, and trust becomes the foundation of success.

So next time you find yourself making a grand declaration about company culture, values, or strategy—pause and ask (yourself):

“Am I actually living this? Or am I just hoping nobody notices?”

Because trust me, they notice.

Can you benefit from better communication, increased accountability, and improved alignment? If so, then my coaching can help you get results.

Let’s chat!

About Scott Span, MSOD, CSM, ACC: is CEO at Tolero Solutions. As a people strategist, leadership coach, and change and transformation specialist, his work is focused on people. Through his consulting and training work, he supports clients to survive and thrive through change and transition and create people-focused cultures and a great employee experience. Through his coaching work, he supports people willing to dig deeper to identify and overcome what’s holding them back, change behaviors, accelerate performance, and achieve their goals.

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