I wasn’t expecting Benny Blanco’s new book, Fck Failure, to feel quite so familiar.
Not because I spend my days producing hit records.
I don’t.
But because so much of what Blanco writes about failure, persistence, self-awareness, perspective, boundaries, and being kinder to yourself aligns with how I aim to act and what I talk about with leaders and clients every day.
In fact, I found myself thinking more than once:
Yep. That’s the mindset I try to maintain and the coaching I do.
The book’s premise is pretty simple: failure isn’t something to avoid on the way to success. It is part of the way there. Blanco puts it bluntly: “You want success? You gotta fail better.” The official Simon & Schuster description of Fck Failure describes failure as an opportunity and says Blanco’s approach is about turning “f*cking up into an art form.”
Kirkus Reviews calls it “a universal pep-talk on spinning failures into positives,” describing the book as frank advice about overcoming failure with humility. The review also highlights Blanco’s emphasis on persistence, patience, kindness, routines, and what he calls having “amnesia about failure.”
That caught my attention.
Because I don’t believe G.R.I.T.™ means simply try harder.
It means keep learning, keep adapting, and keep moving.
So, what does G.R.I.T.™ actually mean?
G.R.I.T.™ is more than a coaching methodology I use in my work. It’s a basis for persistence and resilience.
For me, it’s about what happens after reality doesn’t cooperate with the plan.
Life doesn’t come with a rewind button. Leadership doesn’t come with a rewind button. Transformation certainly doesn’t. You make a decision, have the conversation, launch the initiative, take the risk, step into the new role…and sometimes it works.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes you get punched in the face by reality and discover that your carefully constructed five-year plan (or your 30-day plan) apparently did not receive the memo.
That’s where G.R.I.T.™ matters.
My philosophy is that resilience isn’t simply the ability to keep pushing. It’s the ability to stay aware, maintain perspective, learn from experience, adapt your approach and continue moving toward what matters.
That means G.R.I.T.™ includes persistence. It also includes, and begins, with self-awareness.
It includes courage, but also knowing when to pause.
It includes accountability, but not self-punishment.
It includes adaptability, because sometimes the smartest way forward isn’t straight ahead.
And it includes (which I’m big on) self-care, because burning yourself to the ground in pursuit of a goal isn’t grit.
It’s just being on fire.
There’s actually good organizational research behind the idea that failure should be treated as something to learn from rather than simply something to avoid. Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson has written extensively about learning from failure, including the importance of distinguishing between different types of failure and understanding what actually happened rather than simply assigning blame.
Her Harvard Business Review article on learning from failure makes an important point: organizations frequently want to learn from failure, but often approach failure in ways that prevent meaningful learning.
In my coaching work, I help leaders develop that capacity to perform effectively when pressure, change and complexity collide.
G.R.I.T.™ is a big part of that.
Failure is something you did, not who you are! This is a difficult perspective to master for many, myself included.
One of Blanco’s more provocative ideas is that he actually starts the book by asking readers to say:
“I am a failure.”
That sounds counterintuitive until you hear the reasoning behind it.
In his conversation with Mel Robbins, Blanco explains that everyone fails, constantly. The problem is that “failure” has become such a negative word that we’re taught from an early age to avoid it at all costs. I mean, when have you heard a parent say…sure it’s ok to fail that history exam.
But, as he points out, you can’t have a success story without the failures that helped shape it.
His distinction is important: failure becomes a problem when we don’t learn from what happened.
That’s a personal philosophy of mine and a distinction I make frequently in coaching.
A failed project doesn’t make you a failed leader.
A difficult conversation doesn’t make you a terrible communicator.
Getting passed over for a promotion doesn’t define your leadership potential.
Making a bad decision doesn’t mean you’re incapable of making good ones.
An outcome is information. It isn’t an identity.
The coaching question becomes less “What does this say about me?” and more “What can I learn from what just happened?”
That shift can change everything.
And it isn’t just a nice coaching exercise. Edmondson’s work on organizational learning makes a similar distinction at the systems level: leaders need to understand what kind of failure occurred and create conditions where people can examine what happened rather than simply assign blame.
G.R.I.T.™ isn’t about beating yourself into submission.
One of the things I appreciate about Fck Failure is that Blanco doesn’t stop at persistence.
The book includes chapters called “Be Nice to Yourself” and “Relax, There’s Always Tomorrow.”
That matters.
Because perseverance without self-awareness can become stubbornness.
Persistence without perspective can become burnout.
And “never give up” isn’t always the same thing as resilience.
Sometimes resilience means taking a breath.
Sometimes it means stepping away.
Sometimes it means changing your approach.
And sometimes it means admitting that something isn’t working.
That’s not weakness.
That’s awareness.
It’s also why I push back on the idea that grit means endlessly grinding.
I’ve coached plenty of high-performing people who are exceptionally good at pushing through things.
Sometimes too good.
They can tolerate more pressure, more hours, more ambiguity and more responsibility than most people around them.
Until suddenly, they can’t.
Self-care isn’t a reward you earn after the work is done. It’s part of being able to continue doing the work.
And there is research behind the value of treating yourself with something other than an internal baseball bat when things go wrong. The American Psychological Association’s discussion of self-compassion notes research linking self-compassion with well-being, learning and the ability to respond to setbacks without getting trapped in self-criticism.
That’s G.R.I.T.™ too.
The power of failing your way toward authenticity.
One of the stories Blanco discusses in his conversations about the book involves working with Ed Sheeran.
The lesson isn’t simply about writing a hit song. Blanco talks about how people can fail when they’re trying to be someone else instead of being themselves.
His observation is particularly relevant to leaders: starting as a bad version of yourself gives you somewhere to grow. Starting as a bad version of someone else doesn’t.
That one landed for me.
Probably because I’ve spent a fair amount of my own life doing exactly the opposite and then figuring out how to not do the exact opposite.
As a neurodivergent person, I’ve had plenty of experience trying to figure out what version of me would be most acceptable in a particular room.
How should I communicate?
How should I behave?
How much of myself should I reveal?
Should I tone this down?
Should I be more like that person?
Should I just…fit the damn mold?
Spoiler alert:
The mold wasn’t designed for me.
And trying to squeeze yourself into somebody else’s definition of how you’re supposed to think, be, communicate, or lead is exhausting.
It also isn’t particularly sustainable.
My own experience has profoundly influenced how I think about authenticity in leadership and coaching. I’ve learned that authenticity isn’t about showing up with zero filter and declaring, “This is just who I am.”
That’s not authenticity.
That’s sometimes just being a jerk with a personal brand.
Authenticity is about understanding who you are, what you value, how you naturally operate and where you may need to adapt your behavior without abandoning yourself in the process.
That distinction has become an important part of my work, my writing and my speaking.
I’ve written about authenticity in a published book, and I’ve spoken about the experience of finally letting people see more of who I actually am, including the neurodivergent parts I once felt pressure to edit out.
So, when Blanco talks about failing your way toward becoming yourself, I don’t hear an abstract self-help concept.
I hear something I’ve lived.
And something I see leaders struggle with all the time.
Sometimes G.R.I.T.™ means saying no.
Another part of Blanco’s story really connects with my views and work around boundaries and sustainable performance.
In his conversation with Jay Shetty, he talks openly about learning to say no. His point is that saying yes to everything can actually be less respectful than saying no. You take on too much, drag your feet, don’t deliver well or don’t deliver at all, and ultimately create a bigger problem.
His point is simple:
Sometimes no is the nice thing to say.
Exactly.
Leadership isn’t measured by how much you can carry.
It is also measured by whether you understand your capacity, communicate your boundaries and make deliberate choices about where you invest your time and energy.
That’s self-awareness.
That’s accountability.
And, frankly, that’s self-care.
Keep perspective.
Perhaps my favorite connection to my own values and coaching philosophy is Blanco’s refusal to let external measures define success.
He talks about working with people where the song they created together never gets released. But the relationship, the experience or the lesson can still have value.
A song failing commercially doesn’t automatically make the experience a failure.
A project that doesn’t produce the expected result can still develop your skills.
A career move that doesn’t work out can still teach you something about what you want next.
A difficult leadership experience can still make you a better leader.
Not everything has to work out exactly as planned to be worthwhile.
That’s perspective.
And perspective is often what people need when they’re standing in the middle of uncertainty, change or disappointment.
It’s also why I believe leaders need to look at both failure and success as opportunities to learn. This is a useful reminder that the question isn’t simply whether something failed, but what kind of failure occurred and what we can learn from it.
The lesson?
Don’t just ask, “What went wrong?”
Ask, “What can I learn?”
Maybe that’s what I like about this book.
Fck Failure isn’t really telling us to love failure.
Let’s be honest. Failure still sucks.
It’s telling us to stop treating failure as the end of the story.
Blanco talks about having what he calls an “amnesia to failure.” Something doesn’t work. He learns from it. He gets up the next day and keeps moving.
That’s G.R.I.T.™ to me.
Not grinding harder.
Not pretending everything is fine.
Not refusing to acknowledge disappointment.
Instead:
Notice what happened.
Learn.
Take care of yourself.
Adjust.
Keep perspective.
And decide what comes next.
That’s the work I do for myself and with leaders.
Because leadership, transformation, and meaningful change are messy. There will be uncertainty. There will be wrong turns. There will be uncomfortable conversations and decisions that don’t produce the outcome you expected.
The goal isn’t to become a leader who never fails.
It’s to become a leader who knows what to do when things don’t go according to plan.
Maybe that’s the real message behind Fck Failure.
Don’t fear getting it wrong so much that you stop trying.
Don’t confuse an outcome with your identity.
Don’t sacrifice yourself in the name of perseverance.
Don’t edit yourself into somebody else’s mold.
And don’t let one failure convince you that the story is over.
Fail better. Learn. Adapt. Take care of yourself. Keep going.
That’s not just a philosophy for success.
That’s G.R.I.T.™.
About Author: Scott Span, MSOD, CSM, ACC, is the CEO of Tolero Solutions and a trusted advisor on leadership performance and transformation. He supports leaders to navigate change, lead through complexity, and perform effectively when the stakes are high by bringing clarity to chaos, strengthening leadership execution, and creating the conditions for people and organizations to thrive.
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