The Power of Authenticity - How to be You and Bring You

Be yourself, everyone else is taken. —Oscar Wilde

Have you ever had someone say to you, “Who do you think you are?” Perhaps you had a parent yelling the question at you when you were a teenager? And let’s keep it real—how many of us had the self-awareness at that age to really know who we were? Or maybe you had someone yell it at you in the workplace.

I recall my mother asking me that question frequently when I was growing up. And in retrospect, I thank her. Though I’m sure it wasn’t her intention at the time, she got me thinking about authenticity. She caused me to reflect on what is important to me and why. She also encouraged me to ask myself, who do I think I am and who do I want to be, and why? Or as I’ve learned to ask over the years, how do I want to show up?

Authenticity is a topic I’m passionate about. In my work as a leadership and executive coach, the topic of authenticity arises frequently with my clients. Leaders often struggle with how to define what authenticity means to them, what authentic leadership looks and feels like for them, and how to how to be and bring their authentic selves – both in and out of the workplace. I created an approach and framework to help support those interested in authenticity to be and bring their authentic selves.

Before we get into the framework, let’s define authenticity in context. Authenticity—the meaning of this word has become a bit convoluted. It’s become a term that businesses associate with branding and marketing. It’s become a social media buzzword. Merriam Webster defines “authenticity” in several ways, including “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.” In The Gifts of Imperfection, author and researcher Brené Brown refers to authenticity as a daily practice:

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. It is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable … mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives.“

And really, who couldn’t use a bit more joy in their life?

Our values, beliefs, and mindset all make up our authentic self. Identifying our values and exploring the beliefs and experiences that helped to define them, is an important first step toward accessing our authenticity. I mean, do you know YOU? Your values? Your beliefs? Your boundaries? Your preferred style? Your triggers? Your way of being? These are all characteristics that make up our authentic selves.

I choose to be authentic in everything I do. —India Arie

Life can be amazing, but it isn’t always exactly what we expect. Perhaps you have experienced some of these situations:

You dread going to work every day. You get tense. Stomach knots. You find yourself being terse. Disengaged. You’re just over it!
You have a relationship, personal or professional, that causes you to get anxious or annoyed every time you have to interact with a certain individual.
Each time you’re in a particular situation or experience a certain interaction, you find your energy level is drained and your mind is exhausted.

These are just a few examples of situations that cause a misalignment between your values, beliefs, and your authentic self. And it doesn’t feel good, does it?

Whether it be work- or family-related, each time we encounter a misalignment with our authentic selves, we learn more about who we are, what we value and believe, and why. We can also learn more about who we want to be, who we want to spend our time with, and how we want to show up.

Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, ‘This is the real me,’ and when you have found that attitude, follow it. —William James

So, how do you identify what authenticity means to you? How do you begin to access your authenticity to be and bring your authentic self?

Here is the abridged version of my published framework, how to access your authenticity to be you and bring you:

✅ Reflect: on memories from past experiences. As we think about these experiences and interactions, we may feel a sense of joy at some and feel triggered by others. We may even discover patterns that contribute to how we feel and deal in the present. Figuring this out is an important step in accessing our authenticity.

✅ Define: the traits, characteristics, and behaviors, and patterns that bring you the most joy, the most peace, and the most satisfaction, and those that don’t. Consider why certain things resonate and feel right and why certain things trigger you or feel wrong. Identifying these things helps you define your values and beliefs and access your authenticity.

✅ Test: your assumptions, thoughts, and feelings. Practice the new you. Most prefer to test this new perspective and way of being amongst those they are comfortable with and those they trust. Pay attention to your feelings, be conscious of new behaviors that support your mindset of authenticity. Observe. And ask for feedback.

✅ Live: your authentic life. Pay attention to your feelings and observations. The only way to find out who will be comfortable, encouraging and supportive of your authentic self, is to be you and bring you. If something doesn’t feel right or your authentic interactions are not resonating with people the way you intended, it may be time for further reflection, testing and feedback.

✅ Learn: Figuring out what authenticity means to you, accessing your own authenticity, and being and bringing your authentic self, is a journey. It’s an iterative process. It’s not a one-and-done. You’ll encounter bumps. Keep trying and keep learning. You may feel frustrated. You may feel challenged. You’ll also encounter aha moments. Attract what you put out. Forge or enhance genuine and supportive relationships. Cut the dead wood. Expand your perception, and learn and grow as a human being.

We are constantly invited to be who we are. —Henry David Thoreau

Here are some things that happen when you access your authenticity and bring your authentic self:

You have deeper and more meaningful relationships and experiences.
You have greater health and wellbeing of mind, body, and spirit.
You begin to feel and share more compassion and empathy.
You attract the right things and the right people for you.
You define and communicate your boundaries.
You have an increase in confidence.
You learn to be kinder to yourself.
You strive less for perfection.
You live a more joyous life.
You recognize your worth.

Authenticity is about being true to who you are. —Michael Jordan

Being your authentic self is not a popularity contest. If you are being your authentic self, you have no competition. It’s your life. Be you and bring you. You will benefit, those you lead will benefit, and those you hold near and dear will benefit. In the drama called life, don’t be an extra or an ensemble cast member. Don’t even settle for being an actor. Be the director.

Curious to learn more?

In my workshops and speaking engagements on authenticity I explore this topic a bit deeper with tips and actions to take during each step in the process of – accessing your authenticity to be you and bring you. You can also learn more in my collaborative book chapter on the topic in, The Successful Spirit, book available on Amazon. Or feel free to reach out!

About Scott Span, MSOD, CSM: is CEO at Tolero Solutions. As a people strategist, leadership coach, and change and transformation specialist, his work is focused on people. Through his consulting and training work he supports clients to survive and thrive through change and transition and create people-focused cultures and a great employee experience. Through his coaching work, he supports people willing to dig deeper to identify and overcome what’s holding them back, change behaviors, accelerate performance and achieve their goals.

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