You know that moment when you’re sitting across from your client, and they go from calm conversation to a barely controlled sigh that says: “This. Can’t. Continue.” That’s exactly what happened last Tuesday. During a coaching walk and talk session with our dogs, my client hit the frustration crescendo:
- Poor leadership that zig‑zagged on decisions
- Processes that only existed in someone’s email drafts
- Restructures launched with zero context and maximum chaos
- A toxic undercurrent in the team that shouldn’t have surprised anyone
- Initial suggestions ignored, then borrowed later, without a credit
And that’s just some of my clients’ frustration. It was a classic perfect storm of workplace rage, just waiting for a trigger. And my client was right in the middle of it, wondering how to stay productive and sane.
This article is part of “pulling back the coaching curtain.” I share different perspectives and lessons learned from coaching work with clients. So, let’s talk about this concept of wrangling workplace rage.
My client and I took a breath, and our dogs took a sigh, and got to work on wrangling the rage. Here’s what I can share about how the session went, given her situation (and perhaps how yours can too):
1. Recognize the Root Causes of Rage
Example: When leadership changes the strategy and structure mid-quarter, yet again, without context or much communication.
Action: Document each shift, its impact on your team and even customers, and find one place to raise your voice constructively. Use facts, not fury: “When X changed overnight, we lost three client deliverables. How can we stabilize handoffs moving forward?”
Awareness beats reactivity. One study highlighted that emotional identification and control, emotional intelligence, are vital to managing workplace anger.
2. Develop Micro‑Pause Techniques
Example: Your inbox explodes with new tasks from four different managers after lunch, all with the expectation they are a priority.
Action: Before opening each email, pause. Scan the ask. Does it align with your priorities? Do you have the bandwidth? If not, ring the polite-pushback bell: “I’m tied up today. Can we discuss priorities and timing tomorrow?” A few seconds of calm can prevent hours of rage.
BetterUp’s guide outlines 15 proven ways to regulate anger at work, like deep breathing, mindfulness, self-talk, and walking it off. All great suggestions to try and deescalate.
3. Turn Frustration Into Structured Feedback
Example: One member of your team is overly negative, constantly causing chaos, not doing their part, and complaining to other team members frequently. Including about you. It’s driving down team morale and hurting engagement.
Action: Provide constructive feedback to the employee. If necessary, document and escalate to leadership and HR. Use a data driven approach to sharing your concerns and frustrations. Be prepared with suggestions for actions and next steps to mitigate the problem.
As I once read, irritation can be a signal, if you pay attention, rather than a meltdown trigger.
4. Set Boundaries with Toxic Culture
Example: Off-the-cuff comments, gossip, and blame games flooding your open-plan office.
Action: Quietly align your behavior with your values. And if you need help identifying your values and their alignment to your workplace, let’s chat as I do this work often with clients. Call out micro-incivility in the moment: “I want to ensure everyone’s voices are heard. Let’s hold feedback until after the meeting.” Use safe phrases to shift the team norm.
AP News reports that workers are now saying “no” to toxic environments. Some even leave, and that’s okay. But before it comes to that, setting micro-boundaries often helps maintain your sanity while you decide your next move.
5. Coach Yourself (and Others) Through Leadership Gaps
Example: Leaders ignore your input, then copy parts of it later.
Action: Pull them aside: “I’m glad that suggestion helped. I shared it with you on X date in hopes it would. I’m happy to expand on it anytime.” You’re not claiming an award; you’re reclaiming your agency. And what of leadership that doesn’t credit ideas? You can handle them with facts, humility, professionalism, and a watchful eye.
6. Build Team Rituals That Absorb Chaos
Example: You’re constantly firefighting because every shift triggers another email-thread-montage, tears, or threats of quitting.
Action: Suggest or initiate a weekly 15-minute debrief. What went sideways? What actions can we take to repair things and prevent such things in the future? What’s ahead? Normalize transparency and proactive handling. When teams talk openly (“We messed up X this week”), they ward off passive-aggressive outbursts later.
Harvard Business Review confirms that humility-led feedback loops reduce dysfunctional team dynamics.
7. Reinforce a Growth-Oriented Team Culture
Example: Meetings devolve into blame sessions or gag-worthy excuses.
Action: Set or reevaluate your ground rules and norms and get team buy-in. Ask one question at every meeting: “What did we learn?” Name a small win, even from failure. You’re recalibrating culture from toxic to learning, with humility instead of bluster. And it matters: respectful, emotionally intelligent cultures lead to stronger engagement and lower absences, higher productivity, and satisfaction.
Why This Matters
When rage simmers under the surface at work, triggered by inconsistent decisions, shifting structures, frequent change, uncredited work, or similar toxic behaviors, it’s not just your feelings at risk. Or your sanity and mental health. Productivity, engagement, and trust are collateral damage. Gallup warns that unaddressed stress and disengagement correlate with absenteeism and profitability declines. Similarly, toxic leadership (blame, shouting, micromanagement) might “deliver” in the short term but at the cost of team morale and retention.
Wrangling rage is not just about personal management and self-care. Though, those are extremely important things to manage. It’s about safeguarding your leadership presence, modeling composure, and demonstrating that workplace chaos can be navigated with dignity and calm instead of rage.
Coach’s Quick Reference: Rage-Wrangling Checklist
| Challenge | Coaching Action |
| Track each change & impact → propose a structured feedback meeting | Track each change & impact → propose a structured feedback meeting to share concerns and suggestions |
| Processes undocumented → chaos ensues | Create one-page process maps + invite your team to iterate. Make sure these are accessible to all employees and shared with new hires |
| Restructuring rolls out poorly → hundreds of confused emails | Your input gets ignored, then reused without credit |
| Your input gets ignored then reused without credit | Document and gently follow up: Don’t be shy. “Happy it worked, just noting that the idea originated here. Please let me know how I can support” |
| Team culture slipping into gossip, blame, or incivility | Develop, or update, team norms and ways of working with inputs from your team. Model respect, call out behavior in the moment, define boundaries |
Final Thoughts: Leading Through the Rage
Our coaching session ended with my client breathing easier and our dogs sighing less. She left with a plan to tackle her rage proactively, perform data gathering, provide structured feedback, implement some boundary-setting tricks, take emotional pauses, and design positive ritual building with her team, all rooted in empathy, grace, and fact-based engagement.
If this story hits home, whether you’re nodding along or feeling your own simmer starting, it’s time to intervene. Rage at work isn’t a failure, it’s a signal. A warning. And an opportunity that something needs to change.
You don’t have to ride the anger wave. You can surf it with intention.
If you’d like help designing your own rage-wrangling strategy, tailored to your context, let’s talk. I guide leaders like you toward workplaces where strength and integrity coexist for both them and their teams.
About Scott Span, MSOD, CSM, ACC: is CEO at Tolero Solutions. As a people strategist, leadership coach, and change and transformation specialist, his work is focused on people. Through his consulting and training work, he supports clients to survive and thrive through change and transition and create people-focused cultures and a great employee experience. Through his coaching work, he supports people willing to dig deeper to identify and overcome what’s holding them back, change behaviors, accelerate performance, and achieve their goals.
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