“Tell me, what does a moment of true peace feel like to you?”
It’s a question I often pose to my clients. They might describe the quiet hum of their morning coffee, the focused energy of deep work, or the joyful connection with loved ones (4-legger of 2-legger), or time in nature. These are the moments we aim for, those pockets of calm that allow us to recharge and lead effectively – those fleeting seconds before the universe reminds us that serenity is often a temporary state.
But then… ding! Tranquility shattered. A sudden, unexpected family demand arises, as if your peaceful existence is a personal affront. Or an urgent work email demands immediate attention because apparently some things just can’t wait. A cortisol-increasing disruption coincides perfectly with your attempts at finding a moment of stillness. These are what I call “Tranquility Torpedoes” – those unforeseen events that derail our hard-earned and needed peace and send us spiraling back into the chaos. Trust me, I get it; I’ve navigated my share of days where life enjoys throwing curveballs. This struggle to protect our calm is a universal one.
These torpedoes have a real impact; they erode our focus, fuel our anxiety, and leave us feeling constantly on edge. When we’re perpetually reacting to these disruptions, our lives suffer, our health suffers, and our leadership suffers. We become less present, less strategic, more tired and disengaged, and frankly, less effective. Sustained peace isn’t a luxury; it’s a foundational element of strong leadership and overall well-being in life. Anyone suggesting otherwise likely hasn’t truly experienced a full-force tranquility torpedo.
So, how do we navigate these inevitable torpedoes? How do we build resilience against the constant disruptions? Here are a few strategies I often share with my clients:
First, build your shields: set boundaries.
This is a simple concept with profound power. It involves consciously creating space around your time and energy. This could mean scheduling focused work blocks and fiercely protecting them as a non-negotiable. It might involve turning off non-essential notifications during personal time, because the world generally manages to keep spinning without our immediate attention to every ping. And it certainly includes learning to politely decline commitments or interactions that drain you without adding genuine value. Think of it as establishing a protective barrier around your precious moments of calm.
Second, develop your radar: cultivate mindfulness.
This isn’t about some unattainable state of enlightenment. It’s about cultivating the ability to be present, to notice a disruption approaching without being immediately overwhelmed by it. Even a few minutes of daily mindfulness – a deep breath or a mindful walk – can strengthen your ability to observe your reactions and choose a more measured response, rather than instantly reacting to the drama. Personally, I have a morning mindfulness and yoga routine. Oh, and I silence my phone when possible.
Third, strengthen your armor: build resilience.
Your overall well-being is your best defense against the impact of disruptions. This means prioritizing activities that genuinely recharge you. For me, I try to get out in nature with my dogs as often as I can. For you, it might be a vigorous hike in nature, getting lost in the flow of painting or creative outlets, finding your center through yoga, or even just allowing yourself some guilt-free downtime with TV. I mix and match all of these. These aren’t just treats; they’re essential for maintaining your mental and emotional strength. Find what works for you and hold firm to doing those things unapologetically.
Finally, designate a “worry window”: the diversion tactic.
Warning. This one is often the hardest. We can’t just push all the worry out of our lives but we can choose to take a break from it. Instead of letting anxieties and concerns randomly hijack your peace, try scheduling a specific time each day to address them. Journaling or worry scheduling can help. Jot down your worries as they arise, knowing you will give them your attention later. This can help contain the mental clutter and prevent those anxieties from constantly derailing your calm.
Let’s be realistic. Disarming every tranquility torpedo is an unlikely outcome. Life, in its own way, will always present unexpected challenges. Particularly when navigating complex situations, like caring for a loved one with chronic illness, these disruptions can feel relentless. I live this one as the caretaker for two parents with dementia. I can’t always control when a tranquility torpedo will occur, however, if it’s not an immediate emergency, I can choose when and how to respond. And if it is an emergency, when the emergency is over, I go back to the strategies and tips mentioned. The goal isn’t perpetual, undisturbed peace, but rather developing the awareness and tools to navigate disruptions more effectively and actively work to regain your calm.
Ultimately, reclaiming your peace is an act of self-care – leading yourself towards greater well-being and effectiveness. It’s a skill I focus on extensively with my coaching clients, helping them identify their personal tranquility torpedoes and develop effective strategies to navigate them. If you’re finding your peace constantly under siege and want to build stronger defenses, reach out. Let’s strategize how to not just weather the storms, but find calm within them.
About Scott Span, MSOD, CSM, ACC: is CEO at Tolero Solutions. As a people strategist, leadership coach, and change and transformation specialist, his work is focused on people. Through his consulting and training work, he supports clients to survive and thrive through change and transition and create people-focused cultures and a great employee experience. Through his coaching work, he supports people willing to dig deeper to identify and overcome what’s holding them back, change behaviors, accelerate performance, and achieve their goals.
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