Accept It. Change It. Or Let It Go: A Practical Guide to Navigating Life's Challenges

This article is part of “pulling back the coaching curtain.” I share different perspectives and lessons learned with my clients from our coaching work together.

The topic of how to manage the curveballs life tosses our way arises frequently.

Life throws curveballs. Some are gentle nudges, others are full-on beanballs aimed straight at your face. How we respond to these challenges determines our overall well-being. This is where the powerful mantra “Accept it. Change it. Or let it go” comes into play. It’s a simple yet profound framework for navigating life’s ups and downs, promoting resilience, and contributing to fostering inner peace. My version is adapted from the teachings of Eckhart Tolle who said…

“If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear.”

I prefer “let it go” over “leave it” as some things may be left behind but that doesn’t mean we’ve truly let them go. Subtle but important difference.

Before I delve into the mantra and process. Let me keep it real for you with an example from my own life. A bit about why it’s important to me and how I have used the process myself.

My father has dementia and Parkinson’s. He’s been in skilled nursing for several years now. When I realized I couldn’t change the situation I had to accept his diagnosis. I couldn’t let it go because I love my father and need to be there for him and my Mom. I had to figure out how to change how I manage myself and the situation. I had to change my mindset and attitude as well as certain aspects of my life to be there for him and still live my life and practice self-care. It’s a daily work in progress. However, when things related to his illness or changes or declines occur, I go through the mantra again. Can I accept it? Can I change it? Or do I need to let it go? It’s not a one-and-done process but an ongoing one.

And as the saying goes…but wait there’s more. I also recently found out my Mother has a neurodegenerative disease as well as cognitive impairment that is progressing to dementia. So, once again I had to ask myself…Can I accept it? Can I change it? Or do I need to let it go? I am going through the process again. And with my Mom, the situation is not exactly the same as it is with my Dad. She is still living independently and lives 15 minutes away from me. So, I am figuring out how to be there for her and still live my life and practice self-care. Another daily work in progress.

So what does it mean to accept it, change it, or let it go?

Let me break it down…

Accept It:

Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation or giving up. It’s about acknowledging the reality of a situation without judgment or resistance. It’s recognizing that some things are simply beyond our immediate control. This is often the hardest part, as our natural inclination is to fight against unpleasant realities. We might ruminate on “what ifs,” blame ourselves or others or try to deny the situation altogether. Or if you’re an overthinker like me, you may spin up over and over again.

Acceptance is about saying, “This is what is.” It’s about acknowledging your emotions – the anger, sadness, frustration, or disappointment – without trying to suppress them. It’s about recognizing that these feelings are valid and a natural part of the human experience.

When to Accept:

Circumstances beyond your control: The weather, traffic jams, other people’s actions, past events.
Unchangeable facts: Your height, your family history, certain physical limitations or illness.
Initial emotional reactions: Grief, sadness, anger after a loss, setback, or diagnosis.

How to Accept:

Practice mindfulness: Observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Acknowledge your emotions: Allow yourself to feel them without resistance.
Focus on what you can control: Shift your attention to your response to the situation.
Practice self-care: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. This is something I’m personally working hard at this year, as my guiding word for the year is, grace. Take care of yourself. Make time for you. Do things you enjoy. Be with those who bring you joy. We can’t pour from an empty cup.

Change It:

Once you’ve accepted the reality of a situation, you can then assess whether it’s something you can change. This involves taking responsibility and taking action. It’s about identifying the specific aspects of the situation that you can influence and developing a plan to address them. For both yourself and others. Understanding of course that you may not be able to change everything about the situation or even the situation itself. However, you can work to change your mindset and attitude. Like I always say, mindset matters!

Changing a situation, or your mindset and attitude about a situation requires courage, effort, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone. It might involve setting or changing boundaries, having difficult conversations, learning new skills, or making significant life changes.

When to Change:

Behaviors and habits: Procrastination, negative self-talk, unhealthy lifestyle choices, or coping mechanisms.
Relationships: Toxic friendships, unhealthy family dynamics.
Work situations: Unfulfilling jobs, poor communication with colleagues, toxic culture.

How to Change:

Identify specific goals: What do you want to achieve?
Develop a plan: Break down your goals into smaller, actionable steps.
Take consistent action: Make small, regular efforts towards your goals.
Seek support: Talk to friends, family, a support group, or a therapist for guidance and encouragement.

Let It Go:

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we can’t change a situation. In these cases, the most empowering and often most difficult choice is to let it go. This doesn’t mean forgetting or minimizing the experience or situation. It means releasing the emotional attachment to the outcome and choosing to move forward with what is.

Letting go is about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment, anger, or regret. It’s about accepting that some things are simply not meant to be or can’t be changed and choosing to focus your energy on how you can best manage yourself and the situation and focus on more positive and productive pursuits.

When to Let Go:

Things you’ve tried to change but simply can’t or haven’t been successful: A difficult relationship that consistently causes you pain. The vision of what you thought your life would be.
Past events that you can’t undo: Mistakes you’ve made, opportunities you’ve missed, past family dynamics.
Things outside your control: Other people’s opinions, the actions of others, an incurable diagnosis.

How to Let Go:

Practice forgiveness: Forgive yourself and others for past mistakes. Give yourself grace.
Focus on the present moment: Practice mindfulness and appreciate the here and now. Live for and in the present moment. This one is hard.
Engage in activities that bring you joy: Spend time with loved ones, and your vibe tribe, pursue hobbies, or engage in creative pursuits.
Seek professional support: A therapist can help you process difficult emotions and develop coping strategies. As much as many of us try to separate the two, our personal and professional lives are intertwined. This overlap often arises with my coaching clients. A leadership or performance coach can guide you through letting things go and collaborate with you to create your ideal future – professionally and personally.

The Interplay of Acceptance, Change, and Letting Go:

These three concepts are interconnected and often work in tandem. You might need to accept a situation before you can effectively change it. Or you might need to try to change something before you can truly let it go.

Practical Application

Applying the “Accept it, Change it, or Let it go” philosophy requires self-awareness and a willingness to take responsibility for one’s emotional state. Here are some practical steps to integrate this approach into daily life:

Self-Assessment: Regularly assess situations and identify which aspects can be accepted, changed, or let go. This practice enhances clarity and decision-making.
Mindfulness: Cultivate mindfulness to stay present and observe thoughts and emotions without judgment. Mindfulness helps in distinguishing between what can be controlled and what cannot and supports you in confronting it in ways that are more healthy for your mind and body.
Action Plans: For situations that require change, develop actionable plans with clear steps and timelines. This approach helps in staying focused and motivated.
Support Systems: Seek support from friends, family, or professionals when needed. Sharing experiences and seeking guidance can provide new perspectives and emotional relief.
Practice Gratitude: Don’t get spun up in what I call the negativity tornado. Focus on the positive aspects of life and practice gratitude. This mindset shift can make it easier to accept or let go of challenging situations.

Life doesn’t stop. Curveballs happen. And often when we least expect. By consciously applying this framework, you can navigate life’s challenges with greater clarity, resilience, and hopefully inner peace. It’s about empowering yourself to make conscious choices about where and how to invest your energy and where to simply let go. It’s about taking care of yourself in the face of life’s challenges, taking ownership of your life, and creating a more fulfilling and meaningful existence.

About Scott Span, MSOD, CSM: is CEO at Tolero Solutions. As a people strategist, leadership coach, and change and transformation specialist, his work is focused on people. Through his consulting and training work he supports clients to survive and thrive through change and transition and create people-focused cultures and a great employee experience. Through his coaching work, he supports people willing to dig deeper to identify and overcome what’s holding them back, change behaviors, accelerate performance and achieve their goals.

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Accept It. Change It. Or Let It Go: A Practical Guide to Navigating Life’s Challenges

Let me break it down…

Accept It:

Change It:

Let It Go:

Practical Application